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Four Reasons for Five More Years

June 2006. Back on the psych ward for the sixth time. Medications conflicting. Over 200 pounds. Not knowing how to continue living, but not wanting life to end. Dear 34 year old me, Thank you for holding on to Life. I couldn't write to you otherwise. Please read carefully. The state you are in now does not reflect who you really are. Loved: Through losing those you most deeply love, you will discover that your identity is secure. The people who return to your life in addition to the new friends and connections - each one will become a gift to love. You will no longer snatch what love you can from others because your heart has more than enough love to give. Accepted: The severe rejection you face will intensify. Eventually even the system will not want you. When you receive your diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, you will begin to accept yourself. Yet even that acceptance will not be enough. You will trade rejection for acceptance from the one who will never spurn you.